Monday, September 23, 2013

Nothing ever has

sometimes, I feel like I want to die.  But
I know that can't be right.

So I wish, instead,
that there was a way
to move through time while parts of you slept
So you don't have to see it all

Forgiveness is the gift.  Regret is the weight.  Time
is the only fix for anything.

With time, come chances,
changes.  I don't want these changes.
I have no choice

I have to keep talking to myself because silent
in my head
I go down the wrong path.
When I put it on the page, the wrong path just seems
pointless.

I am here.
I have to keep trying.
Each time something breaks, it is a gift.
I am trying to learn how to do things
the right way.

As long as I don't stop trying
as long as I stop trying to rush,
I believe I will be okay. I've
never
been one to shy away from chances
or from change.

If I take a wrong path, I have to remember
I AM A WARRIOR.
Warriors can cut through the woods to find the right road.
Warriors can make a new path

I have the tools
although I may have to sharpen
my scythe
perhaps even find a chainsaw to get through
this time.

But get through I will and here is why:
I'm different
I may need to be alone
I have done that and I can do it again
the difference is I choose to be
open
to the next step
I will NOT close my heart
the hard part is
it may take years
That, and little eyes are watching

And now, I am aware of the limits of time
I know there is an end
I don't want to waste time
alone
And there is the problem.  Being alone
isn't wasting time
It feels that way though. Things are hazy,
less,
too easy to lose
when you are alone

On the worry wheel my spokes
are mostly the same
I am scared I will be alone forever
scared no one will ever see me
again
from the bottom of my heart to the tips of my toes
the way he did

But since when
did fear ever stop me?
So why should I let it
stop me now?