dancing when the stars collide

In my mind, I imagine a moment with you:

A wrinkled blue blanket spread on green prickly grass

You are sitting crossed legged and laughing

Your eyes

Actually twinkling

Whose eyes do that?!

You are looking up at me

And I

Am more me

Than I have been in years

I’m barefoot

Laughing, spinning, my chin tilted skyward

That’s all I see

It’s all I need to see

Because it’s like the eyes are new

 

Something about the power of our

Connection

Magnetized

Polarized in the right

Direction

A neural-magical fusion moment

Where neither one of us can pull away

And anger-grief-loss explodes

Into the perfect candle lit chandelier

Spinning dazzling rainbows of

Splintered, real, broken imperfection

Just exactly

Somehow

What each of us needs

laughter unleashed

I bend my body
to tilt my head

just so

so I can breathe in bits
of your breath

I get scared
sometimes

a deer in headlights

and will run, not walk,
in another direction

Your long, soft gaze
followed my form
onto the haze of the dance floor

spinning away from infinity
I felt your stare
from 20 feet away

I would rather dance
with the non-embrace
that lives in the distance
between your eyes
and my body

than with anyone
else

I know how to rattle around
in my own moaning brain
finding ways
to grow, slow, baby steps

so long
they last weeks drawn out to months spread out
to years

and now
the whisper songs inside
my silence
have a sound
that sings
a rhyme quite like
like
your name

the touch of you
lingers
like the cool kiss
of snow-like-fur tingles on the back
of my fingers

Your smell surrounds me
filling my pores and curving
around my jaw, my neck,

a scent so new

like an invisible embrace
that tickles my swollen lips
the way a dorky porn mustache might

It works
even when pictures
don't do it justice

and for the first time
in who knows how long

it's giggles
not tears
that echo

in my halls.