Will To Live

Dark paradoxes are
Connecting us to the powers
Of our invisible realm
Mysterious forces
Setting fire to firm
Beliefs and opening
Portals, infirmly crumbling
Allowing breezes in,
Allowing predators in...

But
Unlike predators that balance
In reconciliation
       Killer and victim
        Judgement separate from Mercy
He kills with the eyes of his heart
Closed
Letting life blood flow
Precious power, wasted
To protect his own veins,
Unthreatened
Regardless of the rivers he may be
Undamming in others or, worse,
The geysers carved
Carelessly ragged in the hearts
Innocence attempting life
Free of all harmful intention
A baby bird learning to fly

His mindless sword swings true
And deep
While he walks away, fearless, careless, tearless
As his victim lover lies bleeding out
To die in his otherwise dry
Deep footprints

He is disconnected from all life
But his own
He sees no good, no virtues,
Only the absence of
Direct violence

And, oh! His indirect hits
They kill
So slowly
With
An
Agony
Almost
Unbearable. Unnamable

Blow up the bridge
That connects you,
My dear lost child.
Burn it to the ground and
Leave no regrets to grow
It is the only way
To survive...if
That be your will

Without- Existing Inside Extinction

There is a smoke
That quietly kills and fills
The hollow places of what is carved
Inside my skull and makes it hard
To see

I am
Without
And I see them
Coming for me
The things that crawl and scream

I want to run and am rooted
Instead
In a quagmire of my own making
And the stench here makes it hard
To breathe

I am
Without
And I hear them
Wailing at me
The things that slash and cut

Feel the blood pulsing
Throbbing in my throat
Whispering curses to drain even my skin
Till every part and pore
Is dried and caked with itching scabs

Five decades of effort have made my
Skeleton
Thick
My heart holey, dripping with congealing
Plasma chunks and my tricks
To thin it out are failing

I am without
Air and am blacking out
So I grab desperately at flowers
And weeds, leaves and dirt and rocks
Stuffing them into my mouth
In a passionate pathetic hope to
Find oxygenation

Can anyone even see me
Here?
Can anyone even hear me
Here?

There are no maps
To Without
Where I'm forced to make my
Home
My skeletal fingers dig deep
Into the soil
Building planting creating

But not fast enough
To combat the Unmaker
His winds pull everyone away
Suck at the seeds and bend the saplings
Till they break
Again and again

I am not fast enough to build it
Alone
And that is
What I am

Alone
Without
Wilting
Breaking

A thousand hands touching
Do nothing when, withdrawing
They do not hold
Any part of me.
I am

Without

Within

Inevitable beauty
Inevitable connection
Inevitable pain

Mists of word and sweat
Saliva, blood, fear, and hope
Wet paws that place themselves in dry
Hot palms

We rumble with deeper layers
Of connection than one to two.
Our ties are built of
Ashes
Amber encased bugs
Crackling aa lava like black thick glass
That talks beneath your feet

We are the pond side reed and
Dragonfly exuvia
Your fingers search for notes
Upon vibrating animal intestines wound
In silk that sings to the Morrigan's call

For honor. Honor that lives in truth deep dirt songs
Melodies that sing in mysterious curiosity
Searching above and below

And so deeply
Within

Even The Universe Wishes

Even The Universe Wishes

The blind blind universe
Her kisses are canyon deep
And burn like star fire
Miles down inside your abdomen.
There are echoes there
The growing growls of your prowling panther

She sees your rotting flower corpses
And raises you a skunk vertebrae
To string beside snowflake obsidian
And wear on weak days to give you
Borrowed strength

She sings with distant train songs
And laughs at your tiny human laments
Or
Hums those tunes as lullabies
Comforted by the far away feelings
That she once wore as fairy crowns

"Take off your socks," she whispers to you
in cricket songs, " and dig your too-clean toes
Deep in my mud.
You're dying, my child.  Your life blood is mine
While it thrums inside you
And please
Let me hear it
Scream."

My Own Saviour

I won't leave, he said. And it was true. And
he also wasn't there.
Standing before her, more invisible than fog Sharper than a thousand swords more toxic than monkshood. She, too, tried to stay.

I found her, this frail small part
of me. Her hair hanging long over
her face covering her eyes.
she wears no clothes, for she is feral and
her ribs show through sallow skin.

She has cried out all her tears. I hear the breath raw and hot in her heaving ragged throat.
"I am larger than you. I am larger than tears," I say to her softly.

"I am a swollen sponge stronger than the moon's pull. My eyes are love crumbs searching for ways to soothe every part of you."
She sees me, finally, and sighs.

I scoop her up and hold her close.
I see the places where her skin is torn and rip my shirt
to stop her bleeding.
I wrap her in my arms, and lift her,
Hold her tightly to my naked chest, my small far from innocent babe

she can sleep now. It's my turn to walk.
A mountain giant I stride across the universes inside me.
There is not much that can pierce my thickened skin.
So I will take the wheel for a while. I will walk while you cannot
I will fight while you hide
heal
I will protect you while you dissolve to rebuild.
I am strong enough for
Every part of me