Alone In A Hospital...please

 Alone

Is an interesting feeling
It can be
So
Empowering

When you learn to ski
Alone
Laughing at your attempts
To fall, done only
So you can practice getting up.

Dinner and a movie
Alone
And drinks with
A book and notebook

And then, again,  Alone
Is quite
Large

When you walk the corridors of
A sleeping hospital
Leaving the father of your children
Slowly dying in a narrow bed with white sheets
And blankets warmed by
A machine
Your breasts full and aching
Dripping milk
For the babe who will grow up
Without him

Without anyone
But you

Because of
Nothing

Because nothing makes sense and nothing
Is planned

And after an eight year eternity
There isn't one voice
One heart

Other than yours

To care when your sunshine
Goes under the knife

And no.  It's not cancer. Not this time.
Probably.

Alone shows you just
How loud
Emptiness
Can
Scream

I don't like it here
And that's
Irrelevant

Alone
Is an interesting feeling
I'm ready for something
More boring

If So

 IF SO

I.

Could you

Believe that what I want

From you is actually

For you? 

I hope you

Let go

So you can hold on

Better to what is living 

Because if you hold on too

Tight in awkward places

It stops 

Being safe 

Can you see 

What you gave me 

Is something I also hope I gave

To you? 

Space

Time

A pause where beauty lived

Passion and, accidentally, hope...

Meant not just some thing but

Everything 

Can you engage your brain, but not alone

Sewn

tightly to your soul

Your bone... so tight it

Makes the light come through 

Even if you couldn't believe before

Can you

Now? 

Because then

It's worth it 

II. 

WORTH IT 

A bit better 

What is it

That you want... 

To be?

As you walk Barefoot, on fire

Through the woods dripping

With river water? 

Who even

Are you? 

I'm

Not sure, yet,

48 years in

But

I like when bugs 

Land on me

When children 

Smile at me

When old white guys

Let me hold the door for them 

(Without rolling their eyes)

I like sexy, scary, twisted stories

Spicy chips

And falling asleep

Fast 

Can you see

That what I want from you

Is what you've given me? 

Passion 

Hope

Yes, some pain. This one really is

What is, and also

Connection. Sight. When we were

Invisible 

I want the kind of vision

That doesn't spit 

On you

But spit polishes the mirror

So you can SEE 

y o u r 

I n c r e d I b l e

Worth 

Not just for me but

Because then, it

Was.