Friday, February 14, 2014

directions....

can you?
because I want to...
I want to wipe the taste of pain
off my tongue...

I want to never forget
and move forward
anyway

without driving too far off
the cliff

no physical evidence
I don't like that
Even though there is physical evidence
that he loved me

Is there physical evidence
that I can be whole again?
Is there physical evidence
that I struggle to believe in anything worthy in my heart
my soul
my self?
Is there any physical evidence
that I
can
do
this?

some people, I hear, laugh
at things I do to move on
why would she cover the sink?
It is still there?  And obvious...
Yeah...so is my pain
and I can't find it in me
yet
to even discard
his body scrubs.

Axe.
Different colors:
blue for balls, red for head.
 I don't want
to throw away either
I want
them both.

I'd like to be more obscure
poetic in my poem
but
I don't play games well

I
want
deeply
to be found
I remember as a kid
wishing that someone, as I walked away
would follow me
No one did,
until John
He never let me go

NO ONE ever did
until John

I could say that phrase
three thousand times
and no one would understand

I walk away well

I do not trust
nor do I believe
well

and
I do
want to

I have these stories
beneath my rib cages
they cut
from inside and they hurt
without bleeding

I believe I can do this
not because of anything
inside me
but because of things
without.

I
need
to
believe
from within...and I need a map.