Monday, June 30, 2014

B sides

I think I have done this before, but it is always important.  Today, perhaps even more so, because I felt so lost, so unfocused, so lost

I want to remember that, even though things are beyond overwhelming, messed up, and hard, I have so many things to be grateful for...

I had a man who loved me deeply, a marriage full of trust and talking and deep connection
I have three amazing kids who are gorgeous, smart, feisty, and loving
I have some sweet, amazing friends that surprise me on a regular basis with their generosity
I have the possibility of my own home looming, with a yard and a porch for my swing and a small deck
I have a secure job
I have a love of reading that comforts me and takes me away
I have a love of writing that helps me find outlets and connection and hope
I have been blessed to travel to amazing places and do some crazy, phenomenal things:  I have been      skydiving twice, got my SCUBA license on the Barrier Reef, been to several European countries, visited    and explore the Galapagos Islands, wandered around the ruins of Machu Pichu and other amazing places in  Peru, announced a dive show in London and at the Michigan State Fair
I have a neighbor who is happy to not only help catch my dogs when they run, but come by and help with my  lawn
I have an amazing church that opens my heart and mind on a regular basis

This list is big picture.  I left out the details that would make it quite long.  I know that I hurt and that is important to allow that hurt to BE...if I ignore it, all it will do is come back stronger.  I need to remember how strong I am, how much I have made it through, how much support is there in surprising ways, how much love I had and have...Each of these has a flip side.  I acknowledge those sides.  But I will continue to fight to focus on the B sides.  The really cool ones, the ones that were a little bit of a mix, that took more thought to come up with...that's where I am going to try to focus.  And I will NOT get mad at myself if  need to let the hard stuff through.  That's part of it...that's making a new B side mix.