Friday, June 27, 2014

when seen right

I read "The Fault In Our Stars"...and I have been reading short stories.  I like longer books better...I feel cheated and left behind with short stories.  This is a new development.

"I was left on the shore with waves washing over me, unable to drown." --John Green

I sit there, on the shore, with small sand stones making puckered imprints on my ass
the salt air drying my skin
loving the monotonous motion of the waves
they come back
as does the strange desire to move forward
and go nowhere

I am unable to answer the question
of what I want
so I continue to walk
and step and move forward
unless I'm moving back
a side effect of living, this back and forth motion
going everywhere and nowhere

and I feel like I am floating
flotsam and jetsum
floating wreckage
but also things cast overboard
as a way to save what floats
even after damage
grasping
for something to salvage

the rub is, the surviving ship
is a side effect
the wreckage
is side effect
I
am a side effect
of cancer
of life

of wanting the universe to see you
of wanting to see the universe

to be seen
to see

and yet
sight isn't
a side effect of anything

it's a touching
deep inside
where waves wash over
parts that are invisible
sight, of a sort, done with your heart
can save you