Tuesday, August 13, 2013

longest but quite short...

well, that, I think, is the longest I have cried so hard...on and off for about 2 hours.  my eyes are so swollen, I can hardly open them.  And it doesn't matter if I feel like I can be strong enough, like I can get through this.  I have to be.  Encourage me all you want...I will still have to roll in mud and shit and find the strength to build my own shower, ground up...learn about plumbing, find the materials, tools, placement...do the work, fix the errors, redo the work...all while the kids scream for my attention, and I have to do every damn chore in the house!!!! 

No...too much.  When do I get to play my "help me please card"...or rather my "help me just a little with EVERYTHING for, well EVERY DAY, for let's see...the FORESEEABLE FUTURE card"???  Oh, that card doesn't exist.  I see.  Well, fuck you very much, she said to Cancer who robbed her of her future, her love, her hope...

yes.  that. 

And now I have to find a way to relax and rest, wake up in seven hours and do it all over again.  and again and again and again.  fucking awesome. 

just sayin