Tuesday, March 4, 2014

running, meditating, sleeping, and back flips

So my secret saving graces
have worn out their welcome
a shadow from the past
that shouldn't have been seen
has faded
I put down the lighter
put the cork back in the bottle

sorry to hear you are having such a hard time
but stop it
make a goal
have a plan
choose a strategy
I think school can be a good place for you
leave your life and your worries at the door
be a star shining a bit brighter because the world around you is so dark

I'd like to run.  Can't leave the kids for extended times
and my right knee really hurts
Meditation, perhaps.  But I fall asleep
and the Monk has said if you fall asleep when you try to meditate
well, you were tired
and needed sleep

like learning a back flip
it takes determination
hard work
falling on your face over and over
but I imagine, like learning a back flip
just because you land once
doesn't mean you will do it the next time
you have to keep flipping
landing and falling and over shooting scraping skin and launching off
till you finally stick it
I'm trying
with every load of laundry
every birthday party
every cooked meal set at a table with candles
every book read at bedtime

how can surviving and getting through
not be enough
of a goal?  Is it like the quote
telling you to shoot for the moon
because even if you miss
you will end up among the stars?

What if you started
underground?  buried alive?
It takes a long time to tear away
at the coffin surrounding you
with only teeth and nails
then burrow up to the sky again
and that is just surviving
yet it is a miracle battle beyond belief

Goals are a good idea.  Focusing beyond
where you are likely to land
But patience is also powerful
and if it takes a while
to claw my way out, well, then
so be it.