Monday, January 7, 2013


So many meanings, "focus"...John can focus his eyes enough to drive, we learned tonight!  He has the ability to focus enough for depth perception.  Also, there was a test that the eye doc did which would have messed with his vision and focus in such a way that he would have had a seizure, was he currently prone to them, which we found out he is not.  Very very cool stuff tonight!

It is also about focusing on the happy moments and good things...the house we qualify for, when we do, will be far less than we originally believed.  Very sad because it seems like it will be very hard to find a place big enough for us and with a yard for the dogs and kids.  BUT, when we do find a place, the mortgage at the lower price and the lower interest rate will be significantly less than we pay now. So the looking will be more prolonged, but the end result should be better.

John keeps falling.  He is the kind of person who is not used to losing his balance.  Ever.  Not really.  And now, all sorts of things make him fall...he keeps tripping on the stairs and on the curbs, sliding in socks on the bathroom floor and unable to recover.  Our house is a somewhat insurmountable mess right now.  Most of it is that I am at work so much later figuring out all the transition stuff from fifth grade to second grade that I am less successful at helping keep things under control.  Then, I was planning on working with everyone to clean over break, but we got STUPID sick.  Then my hands hurt to do anything now we are beyond messy and into embarassingly dirty.  And since things barely fit here, we are overwhelmed when thinking about trying to clean up, cuz, well, where does it all go?!?!?  So there are piles of stuff everywhere for him to fall over...

So I have done this once before, but now I need to ask again- if you are the kind of person who loves to organize, gets a sense of pride and accomplishment in helping people who are a mess find a way to sort their way out, please find some time to help us!!  Of course, I don't know if you actually exist, but I have read about you and I believe in many other things I have read about in books, plus my years canvassing taught me that if you don't ask, the answer is always "no".  So I will give it a shot...we will help, perhaps enterain with bizarrity and unsusal stories, offer you food and, if you like, wine, and in return, just bestow upon us your magical clean/organizing powers...Amen?

So, I will try to sleep now, focusing on the fact that, while John is not exactly himself, he is still here. He can drive, he still loves to laugh, he still annoys me in sweet and stupid ways like no one else can. My kids are so amazing and beautiful and funny and weird and loving and smart and dad and bonus mom gave them this nifty bank.  It measures the coins in it like the gas in a car's tank.  The idea was to put some of the money they earn for good behavior and for helping around the house with chores and such into their own fund to save, and some into this little bank.  When it is full, we get to help the kids decide where to donate the collected coins.  We have talked about our church, animal shelters, local families in need...that focus fills my bucket too...very much.  So, to be honest, I am scared and disappointed and frustrated.  But for now, I seem to have found away to tuck something away, under my wings, so to speak...something that gives me lift, hang...focus.

Keeping my eyes focused on my many blessings, right now, is giving me hope.  I feel connected to possiblity.  And I needed to share that.  Beacuse if I can feel that with what we are going through, I know it is out there for real.  It may not be able to save everything I want it to, but right now, it is helping me coast...