It feels like someone leveled me up when I wasn't looking. To be honest, sometimes I stare at the t.v. without seeing anything, repeating silently "I hate everything. I hate this. I hate it all." I am as ashamed of that as I am of almost anything.
Shame is an odd emotion. I understand that I am doing my best. I know, too, that I make mistakes and poor choices. But I want to do my best. I know I am trying. I don't really feel like I am failing, I just feel numb? burnt? worn? Perhaps scabbed is a better word.
If your wound is scabbing over, it is usually still sore, itchy, but getting stronger.
I just wish I had a fast forward button because all of this...it's big...and it's damned hard.