Friday, November 7, 2014

short and not so sweet

It feels like someone leveled me up when I wasn't looking.  To be honest, sometimes I stare at the t.v. without seeing anything, repeating silently "I hate everything.  I hate this.  I hate it all."  I am as ashamed of that as I am of almost anything.

Shame is an odd emotion.  I understand that I am doing my best.  I know, too, that I make mistakes and poor choices.  But I want to do my best.  I know I am trying.  I don't really feel like I am failing, I just feel numb?  burnt?  worn?  Perhaps scabbed is a better word.

If your wound is scabbing over, it is usually still sore, itchy, but getting stronger. 

I just wish I had a fast forward button because all of this...it's big...and it's damned hard.