Something I have learned during this difficult adventure is that you shouldn't judge others for things they are doing-- like getting their nails done, their hair cut, buying a few things now and then-- when they are dealing with enormous and frightening health and financial concerns. You have no idea what it is that is keeping them from losing their minds, losing control, staying strong. It may not make sense to you. It may seem a little irresponsible. That's okay. You don't have to understand. As long as it helps them deal and de-stress. As long as they are able to move forward.
Another thing I have learned: people are going to judge you for whatever they want to judge you for. Sometimes even the people helping you will judge you.
What I haven't learned, is, when people judge me, how to not start beating myself up feeling like I have done something wrong. I always seem to feel like I do something wrong.
Why does he have cancer? Why is she addicted to drugs? Why were they alcoholics? Why does she keep smoking? Why did she die? Why is this happening to me? Why did this happen to them? There isn't a reason. There isn't necessarily a way to avoid it. Any of it. It happens. We in the path of the happening need to find ways to cling together, not attack and cluck our tongues tsk tsk how selfish or irresponsible. Keep trying to love, both others and yourself. Keep looking for the good, trying to forgive, learn to be stronger...
just keep swimming.