Wednesday, February 1, 2012

hump day- good, but not as much fun as it sounds

Hump day.  It fits, more or less as we seem to have passed a few of the current road blocks.

We know now that John's brain is doing a good job of absorbing the air pocket that was left behind after the initial drain.  He needs to stay in the hospital for a "few more days", but his brain is perfectly capable of doing the job of healing.  So that is cleared up and offers a bit of relief.

For my part, I couldn't sleep till around 1:00 again.   Every time I started to relax, some alarm that was connected to John would go off.  Luckily all I had to do was wake him up and in his initial "huh?" movement, he unbent whatever was triggering the alarm.  Then, sometime after 1:00, they started coming in to check his vitals and so that woke me up.  That and the fact that I was sleeping with rubber gloves on and in a chair-bed which is sort of like a sofa-bed but smaller and a little less comfortable.  But better than a regular chair, to be sure.

Then I had to suck it up and write my principal asking about the situation with my position if I were to take the rest of the week.  I just don't want John to be alone any more than he has to.  I was actually scared to have that discussion.  Not totally sure where the fear was based, since the other day when I called with the idea that I was done and needed to tell her that I was taking some time regardless of the consequences, I actually felt a small sense of relief.  At least, I reasoned, I know what to put my energies into now.  I guess it is the not-knowing that is immobilizing and, in so being, fear producing...

I would like to write more, but my one year old is currently amusing himself with pushing over his diaper pail repeatedly.  And I want to take the kids down to NIH to see Daddy for a while.