For my father, in response to your letter

Haunt them
Remind them
Of what they've done

A ghost

Carries the strongest truth sword
Because she is already done
With chaos and bullshit

You did
Abandon us

At 17 you told me
With your mouth
That you left us there
On purpose
To make us stronger
Knowing how bad it
Was

That is
Abandonment

And a lie. I believe you tried
And failed

And made a story
To help you feel better

You are kind.
Kind?
No, love. You are judgmental
Distant
Distracted
Detached

You promised me
Ear piercings
A class ring
Help when my first child was born
Support when my husband died

You try and are so
Afraid
Of everything

So broken

I know why. And I do not believe
Your reasons are enough
And there are no excuses
You've taught me precious little
But you you taught me
that

You've never seen me
You've never touched me
You can judge me till time melts
And it means
Nothing

Your genes made me
Our history fills my bones
And sings songs to my sleeping
Soul

There is nothing
To replace.
You
Have
Never
Been there.

Did you brush my hair? Even once?
Do you know the name of
My first love?
Do you know what it sounds like
When I cry?
Have you felt me melt into your embrace?
No? Well, you are not
Have never been
A safe place.

And you certainly did
Abandon me
And my kids
And with that, worst of all
Your family
Your future
Your blood. They will not lose. You will
You already have

But it's ok, here.
Im used to it.
Honestly?
It's all you've ever done

And I have a gift.
I'll tell your ugly story
Over and over
And continue to pass down
All
The healing
I can

I will be the one to haunt them
Remind them of their burdens
And their blessings, all.
We are strong enough to face your
Fears
Even if you
Are not

Blessed be
You son of a bitch

Until you are
I
Am a ghost