For my Family Heart Camp family

ONE BIG CIRCLE

We have such a strange vision

Of what it means to be

Strong

We push and forget that pulling

Is a force as well

We build a solitary solid foundation

When rolling rocks, marbles,

Enable the gentle, near visible sway

Of churches and villages

All balanced, just so

With walls of stone so close

Not even a single strand of hair

Can fit between them

There are precious few things I’ve seen

That work better alone

Biodiversity

Brings vitamins

To soil

Strength to crops

And genes alike

A pure bred, inbred pup

Walks on borrowed hips

With weaker heart and clipped

Flesh formed

To our image of perfection

We have already failed perfection

We can place her body down

In reverent quiet

Or flames from a burning wedding gown

Just

Let her rest.  She never really was, anyway.

Walk barefoot and snaggle toothed

Into your own sunset

Joyously finding the tribe to dance beside you

Until you suddenly realize

The size

Of our circle

We all belong

To the same tribe.

When will our eyes

Be big enough

To see?

Time Enough?

Rain drop puddle songs
Crow wing feathers as long
As my forearm
Green meadow-purple flowers reaching
Tall from muddy rooted feet

And the Spider sweet and pure, feels her lungs
Crumble
And she lies, dust, upon her mother's barely beating heart

And the beast with no soul, burning spite-fire
From his squinting eyes
Denounces sense and eviscerates any
Who question him

And Oma and Papa are lauded with lies
And hollow coins
Heroes worth
Less than hoarded stockpiles
Of
Anything. Everything. So long as it can be
Owned
Monetized
Evaluated
And MINE

Rain drop puddle songs
Serenade the dying soul

Crow wing feathers as long
As my forearm
Synged in volcanoc ash
Flung across fault line screaming mouths

Green meadow-purple flowers reaching
Tall from muddy rooted feet
Slowly starve as water
Winds down to poison

Do you see? We had a choice.
What do you chose? What will you choose? If we still
Do...

WORTHY OF OCEAN WHISPERS

Shhh
Slow down
Can you feel it? The
Silence that trembles
At the edge of the
Ocean?
It is there
In the smoothed out sand
And foaming bubbles playing
Across the curves
Of approaching and
Receding

My molecules fizz
On the edges of my fingertips
Lightning
Synging salted lashes
Till a hand reaches out
An umbilical connection
Tying a screaming, crushed soul
To slow
Soft
Silence
That curls through
The betrayal
And scoops you
Into your own lap
Soothed and sated
Your cracks
Filled with gold
A metal melted in your furry fire
And cooled
By the
Black flaps
Of crows wings
Painted on paper

Shhhhh.
Slow
Down.
The steady
ocean
waves
whisper
to you,
ready
for
you
to try

Again.

Journey

Peacock statues
And a silent rock waterfall
Eagle feathers, spearhead stones
Carved and cool
In the palm of my hand
The tears come unbidden
Easy
And we move
without leaving
Fire spitting from the crown of my head
Vicious, volcanic
Raining ash and aa bombs
All around me
To cerulean blue lines
Skating across a wooden floor
Cooling
A black burnt rock sharp edged
Purposefully formed
And my shadow demon strongwoman
Turns
From deep inside my back
To face
Our front
She is me
And we will learn
To walk together
Fire hair, water veins,
Wind feathering my raven black wings
My bare feet strong
Upon the stones

For my father, in response to your letter

Haunt them
Remind them
Of what they've done

A ghost

Carries the strongest truth sword
Because she is already done
With chaos and bullshit

You did
Abandon us

At 17 you told me
With your mouth
That you left us there
On purpose
To make us stronger
Knowing how bad it
Was

That is
Abandonment

And a lie. I believe you tried
And failed

And made a story
To help you feel better

You are kind.
Kind?
No, love. You are judgmental
Distant
Distracted
Detached

You promised me
Ear piercings
A class ring
Help when my first child was born
Support when my husband died

You try and are so
Afraid
Of everything

So broken

I know why. And I do not believe
Your reasons are enough
And there are no excuses
You've taught me precious little
But you you taught me
that

You've never seen me
You've never touched me
You can judge me till time melts
And it means
Nothing

Your genes made me
Our history fills my bones
And sings songs to my sleeping
Soul

There is nothing
To replace.
You
Have
Never
Been there.

Did you brush my hair? Even once?
Do you know the name of
My first love?
Do you know what it sounds like
When I cry?
Have you felt me melt into your embrace?
No? Well, you are not
Have never been
A safe place.

And you certainly did
Abandon me
And my kids
And with that, worst of all
Your family
Your future
Your blood. They will not lose. You will
You already have

But it's ok, here.
Im used to it.
Honestly?
It's all you've ever done

And I have a gift.
I'll tell your ugly story
Over and over
And continue to pass down
All
The healing
I can

I will be the one to haunt them
Remind them of their burdens
And their blessings, all.
We are strong enough to face your
Fears
Even if you
Are not

Blessed be
You son of a bitch

Until you are
I
Am a ghost

Still (For L)

I took some of your pain
It was food for me
Trying to help you heal
I pulled it from your heart
And forgot
To put it down

We were lying together
Side by side
Skin to skin
And I laid my hand upon your chest
And was enfolded in
Black

I do not believe you wanted
To let it all go.
It has become your shroud.

I have a secret for you, though.
You are not dead

Your shadow, she broke me
I have practice being broken
And still

Still I have struggled to breathe
Because you would not see me
You would not feel me, though I let you
Touch me.

How many nights
Did we lay upon upon my bed, you
Nibbling my belly ring?
Laughing and touching
Becoming
Something beyond
Who we are in the flesh

We always have choices.
Our souls were never
Merged and still
Still it hurts. For love
She knows no rules

And I loved you. Love you
And release you
Not because I want to
But because wanting you
Is killing me

You promised
In the dark
In the day
In bed and
On the phone
That you would never
Leave

And still, you did.

Even as I accepted the crumb
You could offer
Still, you felt that was

Too much.

Still
If you called to me
I would let you in

Love she is a fickle thing and when she settles
You have no choice but
To listen

I will always love you.
You saved a tiny piece of me
And your shadow, untamed,
Almost destroyed me

I love you still
In darkness and in light

You will always be my friend.

Will you ever listen
And hear my call? It's grown silent,
Or close to it.
And it vibrates still.

You are not alone. And still
I will always
Be beside you.

Battle Ready

I am naked
Kneeling in the middle
Of a shallow, slow moving river
And I stand.

The water cascades gently off
My cool smooth skin
Dripping from my eyelashes
Curving around my heavy breats
Pooling back into
The source

I emerge
Strong, golden
Glowing from within
I release the weight of water
And the dark, sour demon I ingested

I pulled her from around
Your aching heart
Unaware of how deeply
She would seed herself
Inside me

The water warped her heart stone
Entering deep into her cracks and crevices
I withdraw my love, retrieving any part of me
That I can see
And feel her freezing
In my hand.

Nature's bit and drill wedge in
Deep
Cracks become pops that echo,
Splits
Shatter
Till she rains
In small stone pebbles

Too small to retrieve
So light that even this
Slow, silver river
Carriers her shards
Away

I release that
Which does not serve me

And the ancient
Battle Crow watches
As the stones become
Sand

She caws
Calling me
To journey
Deeper:
to retrieve my soul

I release rhat which does not
Serve me

And take a step.
My toes sink, squishing deeply
Into cool, thick mud
And blades of broken glass
Cling between my toes

Another step, silent
Slow
And the crows swarm
Closer
Calling me
Clothing me
In bone, and moss,
Antlers, vines, amd snake skin
Marking my face with mud
Black lines where the tears used to
Flow

I tilt my head to the sky
And scream
My battle cry

I release that which does not
Serve me and
I call to you
Morrigan
That you will see me,
And I shall never have
To walk alone

I am one of many within your Murder

I release that which does not serve me
And I bend my knee.