Stumbling

 I've done

It
Sort of...
I made a home
Here
It might have a
Capital
H

In one world
I know what that could
Mean

But I wear glasses
I cannot take off
That color
My universe

It's a
Kaleidoscope
In here
Barking dogs
Dr. Who
Unfolded laundry up to the knees

And you don't want to see
The bathrooms

Kaleidoscopes
Can make you dizzy
So can trauma
Blurring
Even the good bits when you won't
Face it
All

And really
I have no skills as a carpenter
I don't know how
To build a home

And if I
I am the foundation
Alone
That does not
Feel safe

I'm living out
My worst fear
Alone
In front of my kids
Which magnifies
It all
A funhouse mirror
Distorting what happens
So I don't know reality
From fantasy

The fantasy of
Nightmare
The one where you are
Naked
Seen
Judged

But this isn't the halls of my high school
It's my life
And I've no
Clue
Where my steps
Should go

And I don't think
I'm dancing
And I'm worried
My capital H
Is a version of
hell