enter the night

enter the night with warm skin
softly thrumming
the smell of lavender, vanilla, and a cool fall night
I have done less
of the bad things
the closing things

I have tried to be calm
breathe slower
let people hear my heart
a little

each day is a new moment
to listen to things that surround you
so that you can try to blend
your voice to twist and harmonize
to the world you live in

and in soft moments
I wonder what I want
widowed and wandering
it is different, at times, from what I need
to pass from moment to moment

the glue that binds you to love
that is untouchable
the lubricant that enables you
to slide more gently across
the ragged edges
the claret liquid lapping
at hungry lips and making eyelids
droop, perhaps just a little too much

enter the night, each night
with empty arms
and a heart full of hope
for things undefined

allow for the ticking that trembles
beneath the surface of your brain
cradle the monkey mind, hold hands
with each moment of horror and breaking heart
These are the things
that make you

As inside the breaking
you find you are made
mixed up, confused.
Still growing.

So enter the night
with warm soft skin
thrumming
soothing darkness pin pricked with white light
moments of magic
hold a tiny hand in your own, stroke
the smooth, perfect cheek
let the dog nuzzle his way beneath the blankets
to settle at the back of your knees.

These
are the things
that will, somehow,
fill the soft and shattered parts
that will, somehow,
allow the pain
to grow

Into more than you might think.

As the decimated forest
post fire
bears more fertile fruit
so, I believe, my heart
will learn even more love

so I welcome the tears
when they arrive
I will try not to judge
my laughter or my longing

and I will remember
to enter the night
slowly.  softly.  quietly
And open.