I AM

At night
She whispers
Fiercely in my ear
"Remember you are beautiful
Beyond compare. You are strong
And brave and everything you need to be..."

The words are arrow bound and aimed
To fill the wounds
Left gaping
Dripping...no,
Weeping

Weeping unlike willows
Swaying softly, a hundred
Floating dancers spinning
And entwining
Always together
The branches in bunches

My tears are dry
Solitary
Swallowed
Swelling to bursting
Pushing muscles and words
To say things
Do things

Wrong things
Things I watch myself doing
Saying
A fly perched on the wall beside myself
Never loud enough to be heard
Unable to stop the things
I shouldn't be
Completing

And so they happen
And the whisper words I send my way
Are the poison swords
Stabbing
No need to repeat them
Fill in the blanks as you see fit

Which is why I need her
This her that is finally me
This Her who is finally more
On my own side
And the darkness calms things
So that

At night
She/me/I can whisper
Fiercely in my (own) ear
"Remember you are (I am) beautiful
Beyond compare. You are (I am)strong
And brave and everything you (I) need (me) to be..."

I Am.