hardening

sometimes things boil
and there are spatters
that make you scream

sometimes the heat
simply simmers
and your jaw seems
to never
unclench

your face floats before me
and muscles tighten freeze fire up
fight

awards for internal
stupidity
fear and loneliness
are not on any list

if my fingers could feel it right
I'd shoot sparks from them

If my words could feel it right
you'd cringe

if my heart could feel it right
I'd never have walked that way

I miss the idea
that something as strong
as a bear
could guard me
I have no guards

I feel my face react
and freeze in its frame
nose-breathing through moments
of lonely lost confusion

and it makes it hard to breathe, that 
expression

can you feel it?
the fire?
I want you to feel it, too...
I want a weapon
I want repreive
I want
too many things
that are not there

lithification
is a long, hot, deep pressure
process

perhaps it's not a high school hallway
with headphones on and a classic song
anymore

perhaps I am finally
becoming
rock like.