what am I doing?

Last night, I went on my third adventure to meet someone from a dating site.  Why does it seem to be getting worse?  The first guy was nice, but not even remotely interested in committing to someone with difficulties, as it turns out.  We talked so long, I thought we would at least be friends. I had a moment where I freaked out at the way that he was different from John...I imagine that is to be expected, since it was the first date I have had as a widow.  He immediately cut ties and said he would never respond to me again.

The second was just a meeting, to see if we wanted to date.  We actually talked for hours, which was cool.  But the fit wasn't right.

Granted, with the third one, I had a really hard time getting a sitter.  I contacted him to let him know I finally had someone yesterday for a while, and if he was free, perhaps we could meet.  He said he had a small window of time.  My sitter was a bit later than anticipated, so I was about a half hour beyond when I thought I'd get there.  As I walked up to the door, I saw him at the bar and he was laughing.  He hugged me hello (a very nice hug, I might add...), and continued to laugh softly.  When I asked why he was laughing, I said something like "You have to tell me why you are laughing..." and his response was that he didn't have to tell me anything.  We talked for about 15 minutes- the time it took him to finish his beer.  He told me he was having a party for a team he used to coach at his house, so the time limit thing was a pretty hard stop, since people were coming to his place.  He got up to leave, hugged me again (another really nice hug, and I told him so) and left without actually saying "see ya" or anything remotely close to "good bye".

I have never been left so bewildered before.  Was he laughing because I was even prettier than he thought?  Or because he thought I looked ridiculous?  Perhaps he was laughing because I was late? I have no idea what happened.  I don't know if I should chalk him up to being an ass, or wait before making that decision.

It was a weird day to try to meet someone anyway.  It was a deep missing John day.  After he left, this guy came by and offered to buy me a drink.  He was very cute, but hard to understand.  As in, he had this weird, almost full mouth sort of mumble.

I have to go start my day.  I feel so numb right now.  I don't know what is going on.  I'm just continuing to put one foot in front of the other.  And school starts tomorrow.  At least I'm back with 5th grade, with a few special siblings, and behavior I understand and am 10 years familiar with.