deep fried veggies

empty halls
empty words
empty heart
so full with children's faces
so full of questions and confusion
the early evening smells of almost spring
damp soil
and things you thought of
wished for
and cannot be reached


There's not enough
and too much
all at the same time

Years ago, I chose to not even get my degree in teaching
I wanted to keep my personal conundrums
out of the classroom

I chose to get my degree
when life showed me
how kids learn from HOW you are
not what you say
and only barely
from what you try
to teach
They watch you
they see you.

I have always known
how to heal
be real and reach for
hope
But that involves so much mess
so many real moments
rolled in a love of learning and curiosity
questions rolled in quests and chaos

Because I know these things
does NOT mean others do
I will show my imperfect side
to allow them to see the strength inside each
moment
each
mistake
each
glimpse of the real universe

So now?  Now my task
is to embrace it all with cool anonymity
How do I allow my pain
my loss
my fear
my confusion
my intelligence
my hope
my belief
my tenacity
to break through?

I have to
break
myself
into pieces and fragment
my faith and pain and hope and despair
allow them all to filter through

Burdens and blessings
rolled up like some bizarre
deep fried egg roll