fluttering fire

the day began
to wind down
and something spiraled in
my insides

I could see just fine
yet my vision was blurred
there were no tears
no connecting moments
yet

there was a fullness in my chest
burning, burrowing
there was a fluttering fire
like dying wings
drifting down each finger tip

some sort of lead
pooled through my veins

and it hurt

like your soul was reaching for me
from somewhere so far away
trying to find a way
to hide in me
pulling and tugging at my
everything

my heart tightened
my eyes began to burn
a fluttering fire filled my fingers
singed my soul and
burned at the peripherals
of my brain
making function a fool's dream

without you
I know it isn't true
but I feel as if I am nothing
I am no one
I am night buried in desert
crumpled and burning and broken
and lost

grief grew solid inside me
for a bit
and all I could do
was wait while the fire fluttered out
and the ashes
became the ballast.